Musings

 .. .. at the end of this long dark tunnel..

Yesterday morning I received a comment on my post “Crime & Punishment” by a woman who has been in a similar situation. I am grateful to her to have come out in open and share her experiences here.

Photo copyright : Cuckoo

Thank you M. I am touched. I wrote a mail thanking you but without any success.

BTW, just to let you know, it wasn’t me but some other girl. I just wanted to get into her shoes.
Also, I couldn’t have revealed her identity; maintaining anonymity of anyone is my first priority and I always respect that.

Read M’s story below. I have reproduced it verbatim.

I usually don’t comment on any blogs. But I feel compelled to respond to this one because I have been in a similar situation. In that I broke up with a boyfriend of 5 years, with whom I had a physical relationship. The reasons were similar - he was unwilling to get married.

Later, I met a guy - he liked me and I liked him. I told him about my past, the minute I realized what was afoot between us. It really shook him. It took him a while, several months actually, before he could reconcile and look past it.

Some unsolicited advice -

1. Be strong. The social stigma - this is the hardest. And it is hard because you see your parents, your family suffer. When I broke up with my boyfriend, everyone in my family and friends circle knew about him. In my reckless faith that we would be together forever I had never taken care to hide anything. I can understand the shame you feel. And I know it is worse in your case.

I can only give you one piece of advice - be strong. I can tell you what I did, which wasn’t great but worked - I ran. I moved away. Different place. Different people. Fresh start. I could not have handled the shame on top of the pain I felt. I am not sure what your situation is. But if you can get away, I would strongly recommend it.

2. Be honest. I really think the situation would have worked out very differently if you had confided in your fiance to begin with. After I broke up, my parents tried to fix me up with a guy. I told him right in the beginning, in the first or second conversation. He said - no big deal, past is past. Many guys, these days, understand. It is not a deal breaker. But you need to be honest with them from the beginning. Either ways, its better to know, sooner rather than later, how the guy is going to react.

I can understand why your fiance is upset. Marriage is all about trust. How can you trust someone who is not honest with you ? Secondly, it was your ex who told him. Now your fiance must be wondering, what the hell is going on. Are these two still involved ? why is this guy coming and telling me things if there is nothing going on ? Really, think about it - which guy would want to step into a situation like that.

This is not the end of the world. I know it feels like it is. But its not. You learn and move on. It will be hard for a while. Then it will get better. You will find someone else who is willing to look beyond your past.

3. MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR EX : I don’t know your exact situation. But it is obvious this guy T is still playing at something. Otherwise he wouldn’t go to your fiance. DUMP this guy. Get him out of your life. HE IS TOXIC. I know you know this. Which is why you dumped him in the first place. But no matter what he says, please do yourself a favor. You deserve better than this slimeball. Don’t get pressured by - who will marry me ? etc. Believe me there are guys out there willing and much more worthy than this parasite.

There is no use railing and ranting about how people are supposed to feel. There is no use feeling sorry for yourself. Friends will say - oh T is a bastard. They will be gone tomorrow. But this is your life, and only you have to face it. Well, you and your family. I pray, really pray, that God should give you the strength and courage you need.

This too shall pass. Thats what I used to tell myself on the darkest days - this too shall pass.

Yes, this too shall pass and we’ll have a bright sunshine welcoming us at the end of this tunnel.

Once again, I applaud your effort at living life and thank you very much M for your visit. Much appreciated.

Will look forward to more of your visits here. Keep coming.

Current Song:-Woh Subah Kabhi To Aayegi - Mukesh & Asha Bhosale
Technorati Tags:-India Society

In-flight scene.

SHE and HE are sitting and the airplane is about to take off. An air-hostess paces from front to the back of airplane and so is HE’s craned neck… as far as he can.
Two things happen simultaneously.. .. HE curses and SHE thanks.

Whom ?

The person who invented seat-belt.

Restaurant scene.

HE and SHE enter a restaurant and are looking for a table. SHE asks him, “How’s that one in the corner ?”

“Moti hai” (She is fat).

“Motiii ??” *Rolling her Eyes*

*Sigh* Old Habits Die Hard.

Note:- Be prepared, next we are going to play “Passing the sentence” with some new rules.

And right now I am listening to a lovely (somewhat seducing ) old song of Mohd Rafi.

Aise To Na Dekho ki Humko Nasha Ho Jaaye
Khoobsurat Si Koi Humse Khata Ho Jaaye

Current song- Aise To Na Dekho ki Humko Nasha Ho Jaaye – Mohd Rafi

Technorati Tags: Humour

Today I’ll tell you a little about me, an Indian middle class girl.. .. Educated and working.

Today my engagement was called off.
It broke off for telling the truth. No, it should be confessing to the truth.

The person whom I was supposed to marry is highly educated, understanding and well settled in career and was chosen by my family after much effort. I would have been the luckiest bride to have him as my man.

Last month it was a grand affair with all distant relatives gathering and congratulating me and my parents. And today the same set of people are at both ends but brickbats have replaced bouquets. My parents are shell-shocked and so are my two younger sisters who till now were unaware of the whole thing.

I am numb.
I don’t know where to start from. I am not able to decide whose fault it is or who is ultimately responsible for this. Probably I have committed a crime, a sin.

Staring at space I can only recall how blissful I was for two years when I was in love with T. In spite of belonging to different castes it looked as if we were made for each other. For two long years we nurtured our relationship and dreamt of our future, our kids together. We had completely surrendered to each other .. .. physically & emotionally.

When my responsible parents started groom hunting, I smilingly told T that now it was time to tell our parents and to get married. I never knew I had put him in a discomforting situation and myself in an extremely shocking one. He said he never meant marriage. Oh ! So, was that all only my dream ? Was the house we decorated together for our lust and not for our love ? Or was he bored of me now ?

He nearly smothered me by his lame unreasonable statements and behaviour. There was no way I could convince him. Utter melancholy rained down on me.

I held back my tears and decided then. I wanted to survive, I wanted to live my life.. .. with or without him.
I completely cut myself off from him but could not imagine myself to fall in love again. I had resigned to my fate.

It was well over six months when my parents got lucky (yes, in India parents are considered fortunate if they get a good family where there is no demand). Emotionless, I told them everything despite the fact that my father is a heart patient. I wanted to tell the boy also. My parents were dumbfounded. One of my aunts was taken into confidence and together it was conspired to silence my voice for the betterment of family. I was ordered to keep mum about my past.

Thus amidst fanfare, I was engaged to a wise unaware man and his family. Our wedding was a few months away. I was in dilemma. Inside, my guilt was killing me. Even after failing in trust, I always thought it is the foundation of any relation.

T couldn’t see me walking out on him and trying to lead a normal life. Yesterday he vomited it all in front of my fiancé. He was shocked, did not believe T and asked me. I could not hold anymore and confessed him the truth.

My world has shattered but my conscience has won at last.

I believed in love and trust but could not judge it. It was my mistake. I know I have committed a crime of having a failed relationship and have been given an appropriate punishment for it. Not only me but my family also has to bear the consequences. My parents, my sisters will have to take the brunt. Life will not be the same for us.

Even though T was an equal partner in this crime, no one is making a fuss about his past.

I want to ask.. .. As a society what options do you really give a girl like me to live life ? Aren’t mistakes to be forgiven for me as well ? I have suffered enough and will repent it for my life. What wrong have I done if I want to live again ? Would you have behaved in the same way had I been a boy ?
And lastly ask yourself - ..Will you, as an individual try to change it ?
Will you marry me ?

Note:- This is outcome of a true story written by someone, I have slightly twisted it to respect the privacy but the gist is same.. I have asked for permission to link to it. Even if I don’t get, I wanted to spread the word.

I am in no way related to the protagonist, just wanted to get into her shoes.

Update:- I am not linking to the real story. And you all please carry on the discussion. Don't make it a one-to-one with me. Thanks.


Current Song:- Ek Akela Is Sheher Mein - Bhupinder
Technorati Tags: Society India

Listening to this lovely ghazal by Mehdi Hassan. I don’t listen to all of his ghazals.. just a few select ones and this is one of them. There is some strange kind of pain in his voice. More than the lyrics, it is his voice which is creating magic… the soulful rendition of a lover.

मुझे तुम नज़र से गिरा तो रहे हो
मुझे तुम कभी भी भुला ना सकोगे |
ना जाने मुझे क्यों यकीं  हो चला है
मेरे प्यार को तुम मिटा ना सकोगे |

मेरी याद होगी जिधर जाओगे तुम
कभी नग़मा  बनके, कभी बनके आँसू |
तड़पता मुझे हर तरफ़ पाओगे तुम
शमा जो जलाई है मेरी वफ़ा ने
बुझाना भी चाहो बुझा ना सकोगे..
मुझे तुम नज़र से.. ..

कभी नाम बातों में आया जो मेरा
तो बेचैन हो हो के दिल थाम लोगे |
निगाहों में छायेगा ग़म का अँधेरा
किसी ने जो पूछा सबब आंसुओं का
बताना भी चाहो बता ना सकोगे..
मुझे तुम नज़र से.. ..

Enjoy the song !!

Current Song:- Mujhe tum nazar se gira to rahe ho - Mehdi Hassan
Technorati tags:- Mehdi Hassan ghazal

After Bangalore and Ahmedabad now it’s Delhi’s turn. Five bomb blasts within 45 minutes ! India is terrorized again. They called it operation BAD.

Unbelievable ! Shocking !

 Photo courtsey : CNN-IBN

A series of five explosions … the first one at Karol Bagh- Gaffar Market at around 6:15 PM. This is the most busiest place during weekends with no place to even walk.  Two blasts in Connaught Place …  one in Central Park, another at Barakhamba Road followed by two blasts in Greater Kailash’s M-block market.  The central park of CP is above the famous underground market Palika Bazaar.

Just watched on TV, a 10 year old prime witness who narrated how he saw two people in black clothes getting down from an autoricksha and placing a black polythene bag in nearby trash can before leaving the place. A sadhu who used to sit near it, is blown to pieces. The police has taken the boy away to a safe place.

Two live bombs have already been diffused at India Gate. Metro service is suspended, Sarojini market is shut down. What next ?

Being the capital city, security is at maximum level compared to other cities of India. Even then no one can really keep track of all the dust bins, cycles, humans (or are they maniacs ?) and the vehicles commuting to and fro. It is nearly impossible in such a populated city. It really shakes us and we can not do anything but to watch in horror. How just a handful of insane maniacs try to destroy a nation.

Delhi will always remain special to me for many reasons. I have spent most of my life there… for years I have felt at home roaming around in those galleries of CP, walking countless no. of times on those crowded roads of Karol Bagh and chilling out my evenings in South Delhi. Each and every nook of Delhi is in my veins. I grew up in its lap, it has always comforted me.

Like me it has also grown up many folds. Like a brave warrior, it has survived. Survived each time it has been attacked… much before the times of Mughals. Come what may .. ..

And it will survive again. Without fail.

Current Song:- Maine Tere Liye Hee Saat Rang ke Sapne Chune – Mukesh
Technorati Tags:- Delhi Terror

… errrr… I mean interviewed again.

This Sunday my interview, first of any Indian blogger, was featured on David McMahon’s blog.  He is Melbourne based journalist, photographer and bestselling novelist and needs no further introduction.

The interview is reproduced here for my beloved readers.

The first of the standard questions. Why do you blog?

I blog for many reasons, foremost it being a platform to give vent to my emotions, thoughts and views about the happenings around me. Sharing my views, my experiences, recording funny anecdotes, documenting travel experiences are some more reasons to blog which get expressed in very simple forms that include prose, poetry (both Hindi & English) and sometimes only pictures.
Often I also blog for fun & creativity and you’ll be glad to know that we still often play “Passing the Sentence” game on my blog.

What’s the story behind your blog name?

Which blog ? I have three !!
Well, I like the name Cuckoo very much (*smiles & winks* ).  So it had to be something related to Cuckoo. The name of my travel blog ‘Le Monde – Cuckoo’s Eyeview’ came in because of my love for [Read more →]

I Rocked !! All Alone !

It just happened that it coincided with the movie ‘Rock On‘.

No, this is not a movie review that I saw today and liked. It is about the moments of rocking.. my moments. The movie inspired me a lot.

I watched it all alone. It might not be anything for others but it was first time for me. First time in life, I went for a movie without telling anyone. I just had to do it. And what an inspiring movie it was ! It worked like a cheerer for me. I enjoyed, jumped and sang. I liked being myself.

Somewhere I felt connected to it.

The story is about four friends who, for some reason, could not follow their hearts and now after 10 years, lead mechanized lives. They don’t even realize that their partners are also suffering with them, because of them. There was a dialogue something like “You two share same postal address but not the lives, you both (husband & wife) live like strangers”.

The movie tells us that life is not worth living if it is just about making money or executing the responsibilities you are tied to; it has to be about your passion and fulfilling your aspirations. How true it is. How many of us are able to realize our dreams or achieve what we really want to ?? Most of us are just entangled by webs of pre-defined responsibilities.

The movie also has emotional side to it, for both friendship and relationships. Not to mention the movie is also about music.

Actingwise all performed well as per whatever role they had, with Farhan taking the lead. The three women were also good though Koel Purie had smallest role of them all.
In some scenes Farhan Akhtar looked very romantic. He also truly looked a singer and his veins could be seen while singing. For a change I liked his voice.

There is lot more I can write but then it’ll become a review.

The important part is that the movie is worth watching and has served its purpose.

Yes, that’s right, I rocked.

P.S.- Alok, you must go & watch it with fresh approach leaving aside your apprehensions and views.

Current Song:- Rock On ! Hai ye Waqt ka Ishara, har Lamha Pukara – Rock On
Technorati Tags:-Rock on Movie

Yet again it is one of those days. Terribly alone, extremely lonely.

Isn’t it strange that I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.

Well past midnight.
Fingers scrawling, leaving a trail of dusted path on three half-read books lying on side table…. A cup of coffee waiting to be thrown now..
Conversation with mom, few sms’s from him, synchronized cacophony of festive season, reading some blogs, playing solitaire, replying to mails, staring at some undone documents… nothing, nothing can fill the gigantic hollow.

If you have ever been through one, you will know what I am saying about.

Restiveness swelling up like I am missing something. I know what it is but can not do anything about it. Betrayal, misunderstandings and secrets. Oh, nothing makes us as lonely as our secrets.

Yet we dream.
And we live, as we dream … alone. . . .

Current Song:- Aankh hai Bhari Bhari Aur Tum Muskurane ki Baat Kerte Ho

A few months back Abhijit showed me this picture and asked if I agree with the image notes or not. Now last week another Abhijeet sent me a link. (As far as I know there are four Abhijit/Abhijeets coming to my blog, there could be some more reading me silently).
Though they never asked me clearly, probably both of them wanted me to write something on this.
The notes with the photo mentioned about the breeding problem of stray dogs in Mumbai. Since killing of stray dogs is inhuman, the High Court came up with a ruling that said each of the thousands of housing societies must adopt one stray dog roaming on the streets of Mumbai. At the end of the note there was a petition to be signed to stop the killing of stray dogs.

Photograph copyright : Abhijit

The second link is about privatization of stray dogs. It says the animal rights activists and dog lovers should be encouraged to buy and own the canines as pets but then they shall be held legally liable for damages their pets inflict on others. But why this ‘but’ ? If they own a pet they should always be liable for damages inflicted by their pets !

To be honest, I was in double mind and had told him so. I am apprehensive of both the ideas.
The wide gap between number of dog loving people and dogs is enormous, hence a paucity of buyers. And what about the incurring cost of stocking them for want of buyers ? Will authorities check for genuine buyers just they do in case of orphaned children going in for adoption ?
Of course they should, because after all we are talking about the ‘animal rights’ ? Will there be an extension to this for stray cows, monkeys and other such animals ?

High Court’s ruling of adoption of a dog by each of the thousands of housing societies is equally absurd, as many of the housing societies, including mine, don’t allow its residents to keep a dog. Does that mean after the ruling they have to mend their rules for just a single stray dog ?
We also had many dogs at home..  Alsatian (German Shepherd), Pomeranian, Dachshund.. in fact many good breeds. And I know how lovable & faithful they could be. But the fact of life is, not many families can think of keeping a dog. Yes, many people are coming forward to adopt the dogs but this step is too small looking at the rate of this alarming situation.

Then ?
When we can spend millions to promote family planning and sterilization for humans, why can’t we sterilize dogs who at times create ruckus right in front of our eyes ?
The NGO’s were given one year’s time to sterilize all the stray dogs in Mumbai which I think, looking at the present circumstances, was the best way to control the unwanted breeding but their target was too optimistic.

In UK, the dogs are trained to help visually impaired people. Some psychiatrists treat patients with trained dogs. That’s a wonderful way to train those wandering stray puppies instead of killing. But the question is how many of them would be utilized for these services ?

If all these options fail to control the situation within a time-frame then in my opinion, the only ultimate solution is to kill them. I might be very kind hearted & caring person but at the same time I have no qualms if a dreaded roaming beast is hanged or shot at for the benefit of the society. It doesn’t matter what species he belongs to.
Killing them is the obvious choice to control the canine population but that also proved ineffective as they were breeding at a rate faster than BMC could kill them. There are two dogs born for every one killed. But still that is the only solution we have now.

Why kill ?? First, look at the video below. It is very disturbing, see at your own risk.

Poor Filipino Child With Rabies - Click here for more amazing videos

This is how deadly dangerous a dog bite could be. That innocent Filipino boy ultimately died of rabies, a deadly disease. Think of the mother who saw her son dying like that. In Bangalore when a four-year old was bitten to death by stray dogs while playing with his friends near his residence, the authorities in the city reacted by ordering that diseased and aggressive be rounded up. Again in Thane a man died of rabies. These deaths have brought us a problem that almost all urban areas across the country face — that of stray dogs.

With no regulations in place, the population of stray dogs has shot up right under the nose of municipal authorities. Not going into statistics but both Delhi and Mumbai have more than 2 lakhs stray dogs roaming on its streets.

Right to live a healthy life is a fundamental right given by the constitution of any welfare state. India, a democratic country is no exception. And no Indian is unworthy for a safe and a healthy life.

Those who advocate for the perilous animal menace to be not controlled are abetting a crime to endanger the lives of innocents. If a lion or tiger turns a man eater or by mistake kills a human being, does it mean that the law or protectors should sympathize and delicately admonish the beast ? Forgive them and release the dangerous animals or killers with a warning ?

Is it not depriving others, the humans, the right to LIVE if one opposes the corrective methods? Are these animals more important than human beings ? In a country where one third of world’s poor live, lakhs of people don’t have a roof over their head, don’t know what a full meal is, thousands of children are spending their nights within the confines of cold orphanages; is it justified to take so much care & pains for these stray dogs ?
We can not and should not hinder the welfare of civilization to please our personal sympathy and sentiments for animals that harm humans.

Though I have bluntly spoken for killing of Nikita’s foetus, the human race is still the most valuable for me.
Just tell me if you have option of saving only one life. Whom would you save .. .. your child or your dog ? I think you got the answer.

Current Song:- Aage Bhi Jane Na Tu - Asha Bhosale
Technorati Tags:- Issues Society India

She lived in my neighbourhood. She was also my classmate. A short stature, thin girl, second among four sisters from a typical middle class family, she was like any other girl of our age except for one difference – she had a polio stricken leg. She walked with a prominent limp.. pulling up her dead leg with her hand. I still remember how she used to put her right hand under the knee, lift the leg up like a dead log and put forward.

We were sharp contrast to each other except for studies where we always tried to outdo each other. We two had different backgrounds, our upbringing was different... Me a serious quiet one and she a bubbly laughing girl, I was into athletics/sports and she could not even walk properly, we had a car to go places while they didn’t even have a two-wheeler but friendship doesn’t see any differences and so ours also blossomed within no time and we became very good friends.

After about 4 months they shifted to Pandara Road as her father had got a bigger flat there. Then after a few more months when new session started, she changed her school to a local one there, as it was difficult for her to commute.

But we kept in touch. We felt a true connection in our lasting friendship. Since it was extremely difficult for her to board DTC buses, it was for me to go to her place. I was in south Delhi, my school was nearby, at times it was difficult to take time out to go to her place but I did. Week after week, months after months it was me who used to take DTC bus for going to her place. It had become a ritual to spend a whole day at her place studying, discussing & laughing together.

Not even once did I ever think that I was doing something extraordinary for her and that now it should have been her turn to visit me. I never weighed friendship in those terms and till date I have not changed. I don’t think friendship can be measured in terms of equality. It can happen between any two persons of any age and any background. Our wavelengths should match - no other parameters are required.

Accept people as they are. Never expect anything, always give.. for, it is their wonderful friendship you are getting in return.

It was a grave misfortune for her that in spite of being given the polio vaccinations, the disease had struck her. Sometimes fate has a much bigger role in your life than you expect it to play.

She was extremely simple girl, always smiling and had resigned to her fate of one leg. She never thought it as a problem or a hindrance to her life. Maybe she was used to it. In difficult times she had taught me how to smile. She was the rock, my pillar of strength whenever I needed her.

Towards the final years of school, the frequency of visits had reduced. That was the time when we didn’t have cell phones. After schooling we moved further apart. She took up Arts in college and went for plain graduation as her parents didn’t want to spend money on her.. .. it was to be saved for her dowry. It made more sense to them having four daughters and because of her one leg status she was the most difficult one. She never complained and had become very quiet. In fact she used to make fun of her future and used to call herself ‘one-legged girl’. Probably she was trying to laugh away the oddness in her life.

During those years, my visits to her had become almost nil. We were both busy in our own lives. In the meanwhile her elder sister got married and now it was her turn. The parents had started groom hunting. In the final year of her graduation, fortunately for her parents, one guy was ready to marry her for a hefty dowry. He had a small cloth shop in Ghaziabad.

When I came to know about her marriage, I cried. I knew she, like any other normal girl, had dreams.. dreams to get married to a decently educated well-settled boy and this one was just school passed !! I knew her choice, her taste and I knew she was succumbing to her parents’ pressure and no one could do anything.
Nevertheless, she took her marriage vows in December even before she could write her final year exams next April. She was assured that she would be ‘allowed’ to write them but apparently it didn’t happen. I had taken two day’s leave from college to attend her wedding.

On her wedding day I saw the groom. I was shaken beyond words !! He was no match for her by any means. He was a widower and at least 12 years older to her. She was smiling but her deep tearful eyes were telling a different story. She knew I could read them without a single spoken word.

It was a pain for her to be draped in a Saree when she had to lift her leg to walk and how she had managed to go up the stage, only I can visualize now. She was literally lifted by her cousin brothers to the stage. As it always happens in any wedding, she was the centre of attraction… ..not for being the beautifully adorned bride but for being the POOR unfortunate bride.

After the wedding they shifted to Indore, her husband wanted to set up a big showroom with that dowry money. Then after good four months I received her first letter. Yes, it was a letter not an e-mail. She wrote how happy she was adjusting to a big joint family, touching feet of elders every morning, wearing saree all the time and was in the family way. I could again feel the pain hidden in that letter.
The frequency of letters reduced further and by the end of first year of her marriage it had stopped completely.
I completed my studies, started working/traveling, shifted my base to Mumbai and was completely out of touch from my earlier world.

Now, recently, I came to know that she has passed away two years back leaving a motherless child.

That was my friend… my one-legged friend. That was Indu.

Current song- In The End - Linkin Park
Technorati Tags: Issues Memoirs Feminism Society Friendship Human Behaviour