Suno, Suno Ek Baat Suno
Where is Sundar ? Hasn’t he come to office today ?
No.
What’s the matter ? Has he called up ?
Hmm.. what date it is ? Oh 12th? Then he must be on period leave.
What ?
Yes, his wife’s periods start around this date, so he has to take 3 days’ leave every month. It must have started.
But why he has to take leave ??
Because they have a one year old kid who has to be fed and bathed and taken care of.
So ?
Well, in many of our Hindu households we do not allow females having periods to touch anything. They have to stay in a corner like an untouchable and are strictly prohibited from entering the kitchen and showing their face to Gods.
– — –
Yes, this is India. Anything can happen here in the name of retaining and preserving culture and customs.
It is another thing I can not fathom myself hanging a sign-board saying “Stay away ! My periods are on”.
P.S.- Wanted to write a long post on this. Shall happen soon. Right now I am having my periods ! Please forgive me. 
Current Song:- Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams
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Ajeya Rao said,
February 12, 2009 @ 12:24 pm
Cuckoo - India is how we portray it and present it. Well girls are not treated as untouchables but why cant we be postive and make people understand that the intention was to provide rest to the girls during this time. Perhaps down the line, people misunderstood these intentions.
Ajeya,
The girls are indeed treated as untouchables ! Even now. No two things about that. I have seen from close quarters how far they can go to force and observe these rules. Like in any other custom, yes the earlier intention was to rest the girls but it has changed its face. And I am talking about today’s face !
Wait for my detailed post on it.
Ashish said,
February 12, 2009 @ 1:41 pm
Somebody already said what I was trying to. Would have had more meaning if came from woman though…
This “untouchability” practice is bad definitely but you could positively spin that at least husband is taking time off the work to help his wife. He is mostly ignorant (you can help!) but not ill-intentioned. Also, many times woman themselves believe this so cannot assume that it’s guy who is demanding her prohibition. In fact, if he is like most guys, he wouldn’t even know that there are these rules (unless her mother-in-law is involed…it’s getting complicated!)
Ashish,
I never said the guy was demanding this prohibition. He in fact was helping his wife at the cost of his own embarrassment. I just stated the facts which we blindly follow. I don’t deny, there must have been good intention in earlier days but does it hold good in today’s world ?
Wait for my detailed post on it. My first hand experience.
~nm said,
February 12, 2009 @ 1:56 pm
We people tend to continue following some customs without understanding the real reason behind them. I guess I need to write a post on this instead of making my comment a post in itself.
NM,
Yes, I agree and believe that once upon a time the real reason would have been a good one. But with time it changes face and should not become a burden.
Mayank said,
February 12, 2009 @ 2:04 pm
Lol
I know of a female in my company who sits very aloof and does not mingle with others during her days. It is embarrassing for us also.
Mayank,
There are many.
peter said,
February 12, 2009 @ 4:16 pm
Even if we are slowly getting more and more the same all around the world (for the better or the worse?), it’s amazing to see some obvious differences! (I would hope that some NICE differences will remain!)
Peter,
I hope I am educating you well on the similarities and differences.
abhishek said,
February 12, 2009 @ 6:10 pm
yeah noticed it…on certain days my mom asks me to fetch items from the puja ghar…didn’t understand it earlier actually…she said it’s something with impurity and all…
Abhishek,
Yes, it happens in many houses. The Sundar’s were our neighbours and it needs a post to describe how they dealt with it.
And then I have my own experience.
Sugar'n'Spice said,
February 12, 2009 @ 7:51 pm
Abheya & Ashish,
What is good about it at all? However it started, the point cuckoo is trying to make here is that in today’s context, it is a ridiculous practice to follow simply because “our ancestors have always done it”. We already suffer EVERY single month and we certainly don’t need additional stigma attached to it and be treated like an untouchable.
It is time we changed the practice instead of trying to defend it by saying how it started.
Sugar’n'Spice,
He is Ajeya and not Abheya.
And well said.
Tarun said,
February 12, 2009 @ 8:16 pm
Well …
Height of naivety …
Those who do it should be given a special ward in some mad house.
I have heard what you wrote before too.
It is sad and out right disgusting.
Tarun,
LOL…
I’ll eagerly wait for your comments on my next post on this.
Deepu said,
February 13, 2009 @ 6:02 am
First I thought that has to be the weirdest excuse to not show up at work. ROFL. Three days n every month, where does that guy work btw? The last time I took three days off work was like an year ago.
Past week, I even tried climbing up and down a snow mountain, hopeful of getting one leg in a cast. 
Deepu,
It was just an example. The poor guy had to make all sorts of excuses to be home during those days. It is ridiculous.
hopeful of getting one leg in a cast… Ha ! Bad Luck !
Monika said,
February 13, 2009 @ 9:17 am
cuckoo as i said on nm’s blog it started as a very valid practice but still following it is what beats me
Monica,
Welcome here.
That’s what beats me as well !!
Abhi said,
February 13, 2009 @ 9:40 am
I wish there was a provision for such a leave.
Abhi,
Ha Ha…
For whom ? You or the girl ??
Ajeya Rao said,
February 13, 2009 @ 11:44 am
sugary n SPpppppICY - We did not say different things.
Well its important you make people understand the intention so that the custom is relaxed. In my house my sisters and my wife are not treated as untouchables, instead they are allowed to take better rest during this time. In this case making people understand the root casue is the solution.
kunjal said,
February 13, 2009 @ 1:01 pm
Hi Cuckoo!
I have gone through ur post as well as a related post in Nm’s blog. Seems people like Nm, Ajeya etc who are just supporting this thing given logics are not aware that in olden days women were not allowed to stay within the house for these days. In hilly areas they usually share space with cattles so you cannot say that it was for hygiene. Women were not allowed to sleep in the bed and even they have a different set of utensils for this time. Will you still say that it was for comfort?
Indrani said,
February 13, 2009 @ 3:25 pm
Well told, Cuckoo!
A normal process dealt with so abnormally!
Ajeya Rao said,
February 13, 2009 @ 4:02 pm
Kunjal, - I am not supporting this act. Do not misquote me. You are right - True in the olden days! Lets educate people in a proper way! lets make people understand!
kunjal said,
February 13, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
Sorry Ajeya, NM if I was harsh !!! I just wanted to emphasis that one cannot confuse the “untouchable” days as “rest days”. More-over i am not sure why this thing is still practised ? Why the man is ready to take 3 days leave (which is not easy) but not allowing her wife to do the daily chores as usual?
Merisi said,
February 13, 2009 @ 6:38 pm
I wonder if there are ancient customs regarding men that are still practised today.
Congratulations on your Post of Day Award mention by David of Authorblog!
Poutalicious said,
February 14, 2009 @ 2:18 am
I had no idea; I guess I learned something new today. I wish I could petition my employer to let me off for three days each month. Damn. We do have women on family medical leave for 1-2 days per month for menstrual migraines and no one thinks a thing of it. Now, if their husbands took the same days off that would be another story I’m afraid.
Congrats on POTD.
~vagabond~ said,
February 14, 2009 @ 8:18 pm
Where are these men and women who get three days off from work every month? I have to sound really dramatic on the phone for me to even get a genuine sick day off. Geeez. And I am well familiar with this whole women in their periods being untouchables thing.
I remember this incident that occurred when I was a teenager… my family had been invited to a neighbor’s wedding. My neighbor’s mother in law had flown in from india for the wedding, and when she found out I was going through my periods during a casual conversation the day before the wedding, she specifically asked my family to leave me at home so I wouldnt ruin an auspicious occasion since I was in my periods. I was downright horrified not to mention insulted !
So I am sorry, but I never have and I never will advocate this whole aspect of treating women like untouchables during their periods, even if it is disguised as giving them “rest”. It never has been about giving them rest. And for all those male chauvinistic pigs out there who actually believe they are helping their wives, sisters or mothers, I’d say get a reality check… you are just helping promote a stupid, illogical tradition that really doesnt need to be promoted. I’d appreciate a man who helped around the house every day as opposed to a man that made me feel like a leper on my period days. Geeez. Some of the comments on this post just make me so mad.
Sugar'n'Spice said,
February 14, 2009 @ 10:22 pm
Vagabond, you are soo right !!! It is really just one more of the things that the religious use to put women and her rights on the back burner. In my experience, it does not serve any useful purpose but only gives extra work and extra stress to the woman … and yes some of the comments make me quite mad too!!
Ankur Gupta said,
February 15, 2009 @ 9:37 pm
Cuckoo ji,
Aapne Discovery Channel me “The Human Sexes” Program dekha? Agar nahi to yahan par dekh saktee hain:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6539484611803108670
Iske ek episode se ye pata laga ki aadhe se jyada duniya me women ko hamesha second class ke taur par dekha gaya aur aaj bhee dekha jata hai. India me abhee thoda thoda change aa raha hai. Lekin Chhote shaharon aur gavon me abhee bhee jyada fark nahi aaya hai.
Ashish said,
February 16, 2009 @ 11:56 am
Ah, slightly late so let me catch up (if someone is still reading)…It’s always hard for a male to comment on female issues because of tendency to them gang up without really reading anything and start calling MCP…that’s why I prefer to stay away because of extremist feminists…
@Sugar’n'Spice: I said practice is “bad definitely” which doesn’t imply it’s good so as to prompt you to ask “what’s so good about it”? People follow these old customs blindly but undertone of such post always suggest that man is to blame (see ~vagabond~) while that may not be case.
@~vagabond~: “It never has been about giving them rest. And for all those male chauvinistic pigs out there who actually believe they are helping their wives, sisters or mothers, I’d say get a reality check… you are just helping promote a stupid, illogical tradition that really doesnt need to be promoted.” Where is it said that man is promoting it? Many comments (see mayank, abhishek) and my comment bring out the fact perhaps women themselves are carrying this on. And of course since you decreed it just here that it “never has been about giving them rest” so how someone dare suggest otherwise? So thanks for clearing up. Just like Surya Namaskar was never about scientific benefit of early Sun rays, Worshiping Tusli was never about health benefits of Tulsi plant in house, and wearing (some of the) Jewelery was never about early application of Acupuncture of health reasons.
Sugar'n'Spice said,
February 16, 2009 @ 10:57 pm
Hi Abhishek, Sorry my comment was not directed at you but at Abheya. If you scroll up, you will see why I said what i said to him!
~vagabond~ said,
February 17, 2009 @ 3:26 am
@Ashish:
My comment was not directed at you, but if the shoe fits, wear it.
I do not consider myself an extremist feminist, I simply have strong opinions on how women ought to be treated. Men who cant usually digest that do tend to bracket women with strong opinions such as mine into “extremist feminist”. You say it is hard for a man to comment on female issues without being labeled MCP, similarly it is hard for a woman to defend herself on these issues without being labled “extremist feminist”.
And since you seem to have misunderstood the context of my comment, I’ll rephrase - BOTH men AND women who blindly follow this practise are promoting a practise that is not only antifeministic but is rude, insulting, and totally unnecessary in today’s times. Like that better? I agree that women who dont know any better are equally guilty of promoting the practice, but the men who encourage them in the practice arent exactly saints either.
And I still maintain that the practice has absolutely NOTHING to do with providing women any rest. (Yes, you’re welcome, I’m glad to have cleared that up for ignorant men and women everywhere). The notion of treating women who are in their periods as unclean is a common notion found in many different religions, and it is not something unique to hinduism. Some orthodox Christians too believe in this notion. There is discussion even in Islam regarding this. And having had a Jain neighbor, I can tell you for sure that Jain women in their periods are forbidden from cooking food for other people and going to the temple or touching holy items just as in Hinduism. In some very conservative Hindu families, a girl in her period is not allowed to even touch other people.
If you do take the time to find out the facts behind the basis of a belief before blindly following it or assuming that the basis behind it is based on good intentions, you’ll realize that women are forbidden from entering the temple or touching pooja items because they are considered unclean. They are not allowed to attend social or religious ceremonies because they are considered “dirty”. Ask the priest at your temple why your mother, sister or wife cant come to the temple during her periods, and see what he has to tell you. It will be quite an enlightening experience. And do tell me if he mentions the word “rest” anywhere in there. Oh, and do ask him too about the religious ceremonies based on the “purification” of women participating in religious ceremonies after having been through their periods.
No matter how well intentioned your support of this practice may have been, good intentions do not make an inherently wrong act right. If the basis behind this practice is treating women as “dirty” and “unpure” during their periods, then no matter how much you (ignorant men and women everywhere) may try to justify it as “rest”, it still remains what it is - an illogical belief that has no basis in the world we live in today and has no other intention behind it other than demeaning women.
The basis behind surya namaskar, worshiping tulsi, and wearing jewelry is fodder for an entirely different post…perhaps someday we’ll have a discussion on that too.
Cuckoo said,
February 17, 2009 @ 7:50 am
Ankur,
Thanks for the link, I am yet to see it !! So busy these days.
And be assured, your posts are always read by me.
Ashish,
Rest assured, there are many readers to anybody’s comments here on this blog. Sooner or later, you’ll get a response.
I’ll get back to you later, abhi to vagabond is holding the fort !
Sugar’n’spice,
Once again… reiterating. I think you are confusing.
He is Ashish and not Abhishek. And the other guy is Ajeya, not Abheya.
Vagabond,
I don’t think you need any response from me.
Ashish said,
February 17, 2009 @ 11:53 am
@~vagabond~
I guess unless you explicitly address me with name, I cannot defend that your comment was directed at me despite impression I got from the writing. Fair enough. And now with “shoe fits” comment, you have labelled me again, but of course, you can claim otherwise. In any case, I am not sure what is disagreement. I started original comment on original post about person missing his office for his wife. How discriminatory this practice is for marriage, rituals, temple entries, etc. was not part of original response. I am aware of those all those things (despite being “ignorant”) and don’t support anything, hell, didn’t knew about them until I started to piece together things my mother did or didn’t at the (my) age of 20.
Only piece of mild disagreement I can see is with respect to “providing rest”. I objected to phrase of “never has been” and I agree with “has absolutely NOTHING to do”. Difference is in past and present. Rituals of Hinduism (don’t claim so for other religion) has a way where genuinely scientific and health concerned is masked in religious angle so as to make people follow them. Examples of Surya Namaskar etc. were to emphasize that things that science is discovering now were well known and were made popular by religious association. Over time, people only remembered religious ritual without actual significance of it. So you may maintain that practice has nothing to do (better would have been if you said that practice has never been about, since I agree to former anyway) but I have feeling that some point in past idea of unclean etc. was introduced as excuse to provide rest. You can note that original intention of Karwa Chauth to was never about long life of husband but to provide womenfolks a day of their own where they can meet and talk among themselves away from their men. You will understand that in earlier times only temples provided this opportunity and wife would practically never have gotten out of her house otherwise (among those not in working class). When judging things of their original intent, we need to balance modern sensibilities with context of that time. Of course, as you said, this hardly makes them right in current scenario.
So to close, I’ll rephrase my very first comment, original molehill of this mountain :
“Mostly guy doesn’t know about this and it’s woman who is carrying on this bad tradition. But at least he is helping out!”
Cuckoo’s response to that comment was more to what I wanted to convey, still perhaps not quite satisfactory. If you can find something to object there too, well, I am speechless. But in general, I think we don’t have much to fight about!
Rahi said,
February 17, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
i will agree with ashish that it is women who make things difficult for them. why on earth shud they let people know that they are having periods. This sure might have come up as a tradition to give women some rest during their periods or may be mostly to hide the flow. but what happens now - women continue doing household chores. only they are not allowed inside the temples and cannot touch pickles, jams etc.
~vagabond~ said,
February 18, 2009 @ 4:08 am
@Ashish:
I did not label you with anything, you picked the labels and stuck them on yourself all by yourself. I said, if the shoe fits, wear it. You decided to wear it. I did not say you were one of the people supporting this practise. You decided my comment was directed at you. If you dont support the practice, then that’s great, you really shouldnt be offended by my comment.
Regarding your disagreement with my “never has been about rest” versus “has nothing to do with rest”, I do understand what you are trying to say, and I do agree that SOME Hindu religious beliefs do have a scientific rationale behind them and that religion was used to influence people into conducting actions that had a rational reason behind them, and that some of these religious beliefs do have medical or other benefits behind them. But all religions are dynamic and all religions have over the years been used by people in authority to manipulate the followers of a religion into conducting actions that may or may not have a rationale basis to them. So you cannot say that because SOME religious beliefs have a sound rationale behind them, this is the case for ALL religious beliefs.
When I was a teenager, I drove my mum crazy because I would question everything. I refuse to follow something blindly because that is how generations before me and generations before them did things. But to sit and speculate over what MIGHT have been the reason behind a religious action is one thing and to research it and find out the true history behind it is an entirely different thing. You are speculating at what PERHAPS might have been the reasons behind excluding women in their periods from religious ceremonies, and providing what seem like sound logical reasons as to why that might have been the case, but these are purely speculations. History on the other hand, clearly shows that women were always treated as second class citizens in many religions…in olden days, there were no female priests, religion was a male-dominated field, and it is only in today’s world where women actually have a voice in religious matters. In the olden days of Hinduism, both politics and religion were dominated entirely by men. This is not my opinion or speculation, this is the way things were. Keeping women in their periods away from the temple was just one more way of keeping women out of having a say in matters of religion, which was a purely male dominated field at the time. Not just in hinduism, in other religions too. Feel free to browse any book on the history of religions to verify my facts. Calling women in their periods “un-pure” and “dirty” is not my speculation either, it is part of religious scripture, which is why I suggested you talk to a priest. So when I said “it has never been”, I wasnt speculating, I was stating something that is well accepted in religion as a fact.
Now, with regards to your whole “Mostly guy doesn’t know about this and it’s woman who is carrying on this bad tradition. But at least he is helping out!”…sounds to me like a man shrugging off all responsibility and passing on the blame entirely to the woman. Yes, the woman is to blame for carrying on an illogical religious belief. And yes, the LARGEST part of the blame does rest on her shoulders. But for men to just walk away and say this is a woman problem that I am not a part of is just irresponsible. If a man was beating up a child until he bled on the streets and you walked by, wouldnt you say something? If you saw an action that was morally wrong, wouldnt you try to stop it? So for a man to shrug his shoulders at an action that is inherently demeaning to women and say “that is not my problem, that is a woman’s problem” to me is still wrong. Regardless of who is at fault, regardless of who promotes the belief, everyone (male and female) needs to be supportive of correcting the action which simply happens to be anti-feministic. This isnt just a gender battle, it’s a matter of doing what’s right.
I do apologize if my comments have been harsh. It ticks me off a little when women get unnecessarily persecuted because of stupid religious beliefs such as this one, and my anger may not necessarily be directed at you, it is directed at the religious beliefs and people who promote it.
Cuckoo said,
February 18, 2009 @ 7:51 am
Ashish,
If you say, ‘mostly guys don’t know about it’ which unfortunately is very true, don’t you think we need sex education from our early days ?
Don’t you think they are shrugging off from their responsibilities ?
Rahi,
Be careful. I think you are in for a thrash from women readers of this blog.
LOL@hide the flow… ?? You have definitely invited the trouble, man.
Ajeya Rao said,
February 18, 2009 @ 9:31 am
Cuckoo - I agree with Ashish on one thing he mentions. Your answers to our comments were more matured and were open to healthy debate. Thanks; Rest of the girls are just pointing fingers - “You are wrong and I am correct.”
Anyway- Saw a lot of comments about women considered impure; not allowed to enter temple etc. I just recollected that there are many such customs where even men, kids, infants and fetus
are restricted. When there is a death in the family, the members are not allowed to go to temples, perform pooja at home for 11 days. So Alas! 
This impurity thing is not reserved just for Women.
I also agree with Rahi that there are many customs that were okay in the olden days and we should try to understand them and relax them based on present conditions. Well one example is as a kid I was never allowed to have my haircut after noon and soon after the haircut, I should take bath and only then enter the house. Especially the kitchen was prohibited. Later I realized hair is very dangerous if consumed and in olden days there was no electricity, so I could drop some on to food. Well how relevant it is for today’s world? Is something every house has to discuss and understand. We cannot simply shout at our ancestors and blame them.
Change is way of life but let that be with respect to our ancestors!
Mutiny.in » The Red Coloured Blues said,
February 18, 2009 @ 10:20 pm
[...] I wrote a short post based on a real life incident about customs involving Indian women, there was almost a furor. But do you ever comprehend how [...]
Sunandha J said,
February 21, 2009 @ 7:32 am
How dare you challenge our customs? in our society we follow it very religiously since hundreds of years and no one has ever objected or complained. even men are very helpful. they cook and take care of the house in those days.
who are you to challenge this practice if we want do it?
VIJAY said,
February 21, 2009 @ 12:38 pm
India is a great country
VIJAY said,
February 21, 2009 @ 1:00 pm
jo hmar dase me btay gaya hai sab sinces ke hisab se hai kre ge to phayda nhi kre ge to nuksan hoga
What he is trying to say :- jo humare desh me bataya gaya hai sab sciences ke hisab se hai karenge to fayda nahi karenge to nuksan hoga
In English:- What we have been told in our country is that it’s all as per the sciences. We’ll be benefited if we practice it, else we’ll be harmed.
Cuckoo said,
February 21, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
VIJAY,
Welcome here on my blog.
Vijay, I understand and appreciate your views on this. But I could comprehend your second comment with some difficulty, so modifying it to make it readable to other readers.
Thanks for your comment, keep coming.
ashes said,
February 24, 2009 @ 11:20 am
Shit! When I had started reading I had thought Sundar was on a periodical (read monthly) leave because his wife had lots of problems during her periods and therefore he was there to help her out. But this turned out to be a totally unexpected story! People still believe that? I thought that was thing of the yore…
Cuckoo said,
February 24, 2009 @ 8:24 pm
Ashes,
That yore was in this 21st century. I am the living proof.
Do you know in south India (especially brahmin families), they are shocked if they come to know of a family which is not observing these customs ?
I don’t know how people would have taken it had I written some more intricate details. Oh, there is so much to write.
mathew said,
February 25, 2009 @ 9:42 pm
my goodness..this is a ridiculously insane custom!!
Vands said,
March 24, 2009 @ 11:27 pm
i know u wrote a detailed one… so i’ll go read that one